Breaking up? Here is a Little Relationship Advice

I have been asked to write an article about relationship break ups.  To define it more accurately,  dealing with a break up of a relationship and how to take the first important steps to moving on.

Now this article may not, (I hope) directly apply to you.  But the reality is that we all know of someone whose relationship has suffered a devastating blow, and maybe this article could be something you forward onto them.

Personally - and rather sadly I consider myself a bit of an expert on relationship break ups which is why I feel I am able to make some comment. 

So here are some nougats of advice which you may find helpful, if your life has just been turned upside down.

The break up of a relationship often follows a similar pattern of emotions as bereavement.  Sorrow, loss, anger, why me?  So remember it really is OK to grieve for something you have lost. 

Sometimes though, we get stuck experiencing a particular emotion and that really is not good for you or others around you.  At some point you really will need to draw a line under what has happened. Set yourself a date to do this. Just taking this action will empower your subconscious mind to get to work on taking baby steps in the healing process.

Looking back and thinking about the what if's, also will keep you stuck.  You need to start looking forward. That does not mean everything in your past relationship was bad, (depending on the circumstances of course), it maybe just where you are right now that is.

One of the best bits of advice I was given was "Don't become bitter. You will wear it on your face and being bitter and twisted is not attractive."  It is also boring. (As someone who is a little bit vain that was a brilliant bit of motivation for me to stop feeling sorry for myself).

Needing someone to talk to about your relationship and what has happened, is perfectly normal, but don't over do it. If you feel you need objectivity, or just don't want to dump on a friend, employ a life coach or relationship councellor. You might also like to visit the Starting Over website - which has lots of information specficially to help people who are trying to make a fresh start.

Do the Bridget Jones thing and buy some Self help books here online.  Read them and do the exercises. Ask yourself, do you attract patterns of behaviour in your relationships? What can you learn going forward?

By the way if all the things I have mentioned above make you feel physically sick - that is OK too.  What you are going through and the circumstances of your relationship break up, is personal to you.  Everyone deals with stuff in their own way.  But just make sure you do deal with it.

However cross you feel, don't do stuff in anger or desperation that you will look back and regret.  This is definitely not dealing with your feelings. This will cause as much damage to you, and those close to you, as the target of your actions.

Which brings me on to the next point. Although you may feel that you are the only person in the world that is going through a relationship break up, you aren't.

Take comfort in the fact that there are lots of people in the same place as you are right now and they and you will get over it, and be stronger for it.  Remember you are not a failure just because your relationship has finished and you are on your own. Being on your own is infinitely better than being with someone who isn't with you, or does not value you. (If that makes sense).  And it is also a lot safer place to be than hurling yourself at the first man/woman who comes along.

My dad had a saying which I have always found very comforting when I face difficulties.  "Nothing ever stays the same", and "Time takes care of everything".  The thing you need to remember is, you need to give time, time.

I am going to leave this article at that for now - but I think I will return to this theme, as there is so much more to be said.

If you are going through the relationship breakup and are looking at ways to start moving forward with your life, please feel free to contact me at  diana@helpforbusymums.com or for further information take a look at the Coaching for Busy Mums Page.

You might also like to take a look at Paul McKenna I Can Mend Your Broken Heart