Who Does What In Your Relationship

Talk Back Thames the makers of The Apprentice and Grand Designs are making a new TV programmed called Who Does What In Your Relationship.

They have asked me to mention this as they are looking for couples to take part.  Information and contact details are below. Do give them a call if you are interested.

So what can you do if you feel that your partner is not pulling his weight apart from applying to be on the programme.

Tip 1.  Don’t lose your temper
Although losing your rag and shouting at everyone about how hard done by you feel is probably true and very tempting, generally this will not motivate people to help you.

Tip 2.   What is really getting you down
Ask yourself what are the crunch points when life really seems to be getting on top of you. Are there particular times of day, or particular chores that get you down or you would like help with.  Lumping things into a huge pile is not helpful to you.  Remember how you eat an elephant – one bite at a time

Tip 3  Communicate
If you are going to bite the bullet and discuss the share of chores don’t do it when you are tired and feeling under pressure.

Don’t criticise, or accuse (even if you feel it is fully justified).  As I mentioned the other day in a previous blog Hard on the issue soft on the person.

Be specific with the help you require – based on what is really getting you down.  E.g. can you cook dinner every Wednesday evening as I am not home until late. 

Tip 4 How do you feel
If you are feeling tired and stressed there are probably actions you need to take to help you feel better and have more energy

Get into the habit of sipping water throughout the day.  Keeping hydrated will give you energy and help avoid headaches. 

Also avoid having too much caffeine – and sugary snacks which will play havoc with your blood sugar levels which can influence your moods and energy levels.

Tip 5 Delegate and don’t expect perfection
Delegate, delegate, delegate.  What chores do you do that someone else can do instead.

When you are delegating don’t expect perfection.  Things are not going to be done perhaps quite the way you like them.  Does it really matter?  Even if it does – make it your challenge for it not to bother you.

Tip 6 Don’t Expect them to Offer
By the way don’t expect offers of help.  Yes it maybe annoying, that you always have to ask for help, but accept sometimes that is just the way it is.  Who knows one day the penny may drop and things may change but for now just accept you just have to ask for help

When you do ask for help try to “time frame" the chore.  E.g. “Can you put the bin out in the next half an hour before it gets dark”? Instead of  “Can you put the bin out?”

Tip 6 Remember to prioritise
When you are busy it is really easy just to fire fight from one task to another.  By prioritising you are less likely to end up in so much of a rush. You will also have time to work out what you need to delegate.

Tip 7  Helping is a Habit
Remember helping is a habit.  Getting into the habit of doing chores and helping is a habit which will take time to develop. It will need lots of patience, praise and encouragement from you. And although there may be days when your priase is delivered through gritted teeth - the end result really will be worth the effort.

A new BBC2 programme is looking for people who would like to find out just WHO DOES WHAT in their relationship and make changes for the better.

It’s a show for every couple that’s ever argued over who does the washing up, picks up the kids or does the shopping

If you would like to take part or want to know more, call Sarah on the

WHO DOES WHAT hotline - 0207 861 8477

Or email

whodoeswhat@talkbackthames.tv